Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
