The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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