I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
