Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
