He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
