i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
