There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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