So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
