I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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