I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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