He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
