The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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