Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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