At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
