I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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