i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
