last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
