On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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