I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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