Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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