capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
