week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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