@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
