I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
