I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
