Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
