Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
