So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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