someone owes me an orgasm
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
