so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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