return my video game
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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