Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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