Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
