Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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