After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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