Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
