this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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