I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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