"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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