While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
