I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
