how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
