I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
