i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
