How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
