i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
