Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
