I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
