They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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