She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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