she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
