she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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