Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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