I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
