i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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