You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
