I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
