OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
