did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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