just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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