I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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