It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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