theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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