Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
