She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
