I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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